Saturday, August 29, 2009

My Whole Existence is Flawed...

I'm...becoming someone I hate. I recently talked to Victor, and I've gotten more and more aggressive in my talks with him...too aggressive....and I'm afraid.

She keeps surfacing...and she wants him bad. This is the worse part about being half-breed...the non Gallifreyan side is running at full steam and it's on the hunt. And it's after Victor. The two sides ever fight for dominance over me and how I feel.

...I'm afraid.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Dreams and Fears.

Upon awakening in my TARDIS this morning, I found that I was weak and soaked in sweat. The recent regeneration into a Jaeger has proved to be an unsettling trial of sorts, so I just chalked it up to being nerves and the like. However, upon some meditation in the Zero Room, a dark and sinister voice settled into my mind once more. This hasn't been the first time this has happened since I've met Victor and become House Chancellor...and I fear it will not be the last.

Victor and I have tried countless times to seal my mind from these voices, and from other Time Lords getting into my only works for a certain amount of time...and then it fails, as the voices get stronger and stronger. I fear, soon that they will take me over and then I will be truly lost.

The dreams, have been even more unsettling. Dreams of darkness, pain, suffering. The one last night was worse...I was sitting in a High Council meeting, and all of a sudden, my arms were covered in a black, writhing ooze that didn't hurt, but spread until it covered my entire body. Then the pain set in, as it slowly destroyed me and my genetic matrix. I woke with a scream, my recent companion not being in bed, but probably hard at usual. So here I write my secrets, hoping someone will understand and maybe have an answer for me as to why I cannot sleep and cannot think...